Relationship Stress Management: Our Guide will Help You to Understand: What is Relationship Stress, What are its Signs, Causes and Consequences, and How You can Manage Relationship Stress in the Most Effective way.
Your relationship with your partner is one of the most important aspects of your life and can have a huge impact on your mental wellbeing. A healthy relationship can give you the support and strength you need to weather any storm life can throw at you, while a stressful relationship can make any difficult situation all the more painful. No relationship runs perfectly all the time, and everyone benefit from knowing how to manage relationship stress.
Causes of Relationship Stress
Stress from everyday life naturally filters into your home and your relationship with your partner. Work, health and money worries can all play their part in creating a stressful relationship. On top of this there are qualities in an unhealthy relationship that can cause or exacerbate stress. These factors include:
- Poor communication
- Frequent arguments
- Jealousy or lack of trust
- Infidelity
- Co-dependency or unhealthy levels of dependence shown by one partner on the other
- Lack of common life-goals or different priorities
- Lack of commitment or interest
- Lack of emotional or sexual satisfaction
- Verbal or physical abuse
Any of these behaviours or traits can lead to a relationship being highly difficult and both partners suffering from high stress levels.
Signs of Relationship Stress
A stressful or difficult relationship can affect your life in number of ways. These signs of relationship stress can include:
Relationship Stress Signs
- Increased anxiety
- Spending more time apart
- A rise in the amount of arguments and disagreements
- You have trouble communicating
- You don’t find spending time with each other fun anymore
- You become unavailable emotionally
Common Relationship Stress Signs
The Consequences of Relationship Stress
Being dissatisfied with your relationship and constantly stressed out at home brings with it a host of emotional and physical concerns. All the usual knock-on effects of stress are to be expected, from reduced cognitive ability and high blood pressure to difficulty sleeping and higher risk of mental illness. Stress can also have a number of negative consequences for your relationship, such as:
- Poor communication and increased arguing- due to irritability or lack of energy
- Reduced sex drive and impaired sexual performance
- Lower ability to cope with disagreements- turning minor issues into full blown arguments
- Increased negative perception- you’re more likely to see the whole relationship as a failure
- Increased temptation- you’re more likely to find yourself attracted to other people when stressed, and stress also reduces your ability to resist temptation
Here Are Our 7 Suggestionsns for Relationship Stress Management
Coping with relationship stress is often a case of learning to communicate more effectively and interpreting your partner’s behaviour in a more positive way. Here are our top ways to decrease stress in your relationship and for effective relationship stress management.
1. Avoid Assumptions and Over-Generalisation
It’s easy to see one example of bad behaviour and generalise it to thinking that your partner is just a bad person. This is actually a well documented psychological process called the fundamental attribution error, which states that people view their own behaviour as a result of circumstance, but view other people’s behaviour as a direct result of their character. If you didn’t wash the dishes, it was because you were too busy or tired that evening. If your partner didn’t wash the dishes, it’s because they are naturally a messy and careless person.
Over-generalisation really doesn’t help you see your partner in an accurate light and can lead to escalations and fights over very trivial things. Spot this attribution error and don’t let it influence your thinking. Try to “fill the gap positively” rather than assuming the worst about your partner. Remember that your partner is likely just as stressed as you, so give them a break once in a while.
2. Separate the Problem from the Relationship
Stress can muddy your thinking and make you more likely to see everything in a more negative light. If your relationship is going through a rough patch it’s easy to let yourself think it was never good to begin with. Try to distinguish between specific problems and your overall relationship. Make a list of the god things about your partner, and be mindful of all the fun times you have had together. Think back to the solid foundations your relationship is built on and your current problems will seem much smaller.
3. Tackle external Problems Together
Working as a united front to deal with external pressures and worries is a great way to bring you and your partner closer together in times of crisis. Troubles with money, work, other family members or anything else should be faced together- you and your partner vs. stress, not you vs. your partner. Looking at things this way will help keep you close even when life is difficult, and will also help you deal with problems more effectively. Two brains are better than one!
4. Don’t Avoid Things
An easy way to reduce conflict is to avoid talking about issues that need talking about. The problem with this is that not talking to each other quickly becomes a habit and you find yourselves drifting apart. Avoiding conflict means that issues can fester for a long time without ever being resolved. Bringing something up might be painful but it will eventually lead to reconciliation.
5. Do Fun Things Together
If you and your partner are constantly at each other’s throats then it will be harder to see the good in your relationship. Take time to do fun things together. Go on a date, watch a movie, go for a walk or just enjoy spending time together. Not only will fun activities help reduce your feelings of stress but they’ll help you and your partner see each other more positively.
6. Don’t Hold Grudges
One of the hallmarks of bad communication is constantly returning to the same points of contention- arguing over and over without resolution. You should aim to break this cycle by raising issues when they arise, dealing with them, and then moving on. Don’t let resentments linger on and don’t keep a mental “list” of things your partner has done wrong. Dealing with issues properly first time around will help resolve a lot of the underlying tension and irritation you might be feeling.
7. Allow Individuality
If your partner is causing you high levels of stress then don’t be afraid to spend time apart. There’s nothing wrong with maintaining your individuality and having friends and hobbies that you enjoy on your own. Don’t hide from your partner but a bit of time doing other things can relax your mind and give you both some space and perspective for when you are together.
Conclusion
A healthy, supportive relationship can be a real buffer against stress as your partner helps you work through your problems and gives you the encouragement and love you need to cope with challenges. Stress in any relationship can be difficult to cope with but effective communication and a constructive way of looking at issues can make all the difference.
When to Look for Professional Help to Manage Stress in Relationship!
Are you worried about your relationship? Do you think you need help to re-connect with your partner and put an end to stress-inducing behaviours? Our highly experienced relationship counsellors at Angus Munro Psychology are experts at getting marriages and relationships back on track. We can help you with effective communication, and enable you to resolve your differences in a supportive and healthy way. We will also help you re-discover the passion and excitement that may be absent from your relationship. Contact Angus Munro Psychology today and let us help you on your journey to restoring relationship harmony.
Content References and Support Links:
Changing Minds – The Fundamental Attribution Error
Psychology Today– Stress in Relationships: 10 Sources and Their Antidotes
Lewandowski Jr, G.W., Mattingly, B.A. &Pedreiro, A (2014) Under Pressure: The Effects of Stress on Positive and Negative Relationship Behaviors. Journal of Social Psychology, 154 (5), 463-473
